well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
