Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize