Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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