Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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