he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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