We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
