A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
