"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
this is an emotional support booty call
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
