I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
