he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize