This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
