I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
