I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
