haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
