i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
