i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
