apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
