this beer tastes like vomit already
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
