New invention idea: vibrating tampons
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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