Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I FOUND THE LEGS
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
