Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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