I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
