You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
