i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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