Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize