Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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