I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
thus making me awesome and them whores
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
