Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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