WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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