Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Every concussion has its silver lining
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
