id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
