so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
He uses pillows to masturbate.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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