I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
