Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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