Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
