just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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