im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
