So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Houston, we have a blender
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
