That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
