When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
