I think my fart just growled at me.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
