He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
