Plan B is the new Plan A
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
