life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
