I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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