when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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