never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize