walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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