I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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