My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
The best revenge is premature balding
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
