I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
