Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
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