That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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