So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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