Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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