Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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