Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
