I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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