My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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