i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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