So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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