i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
