I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
