Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
