God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
