the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
