I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
