Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
