I haven't been this sober since birth.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
