when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Vodka?
Forever.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
