So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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