How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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