i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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